Chiling Falls

Ulutopians conquered the main attraction at the Chiling River Sanctuary on Sunday and lived to tell the tale. But after much chest-beating once we got to the main waterfall there, our egos quickly deflated as a family of about 50 arrived just half an hour behind us.

Flabby-assed middle aged women were carrying three month old babies. Snot nose kids not two years old were prancing about before us, and looked about as exhausted as if they had just stepped out of daddy’s shiny new Toyota Fortuner. This was all quite disappointing, for me personally, for one valid reason.



I wanted us to find a place that was special. Somewhere like Mordor Falls in Ulu Yam's Sungai Pisang, the spiritual sanctuary of the Ulutopian.


So this time around, I had romantic notions of us discovering a virgin pool covered in fog, with a majestic waterfall towering behind it. A scene right out of Jurassic fucking Park perhaps. I knew Chiling was popular, but not Port-Dickson-on-a-public-holiday-popular. Turns out that reaching the falls was about as special as visiting Toys R’ Us at Midvalley on the weekend after payday.

So before you send off your last will and testament, strap your extra large survival combat knife to your hip and pack morphine painkillers up your ass, consider this. Every little shit and their fat-assed baby sister can reach Chiling’s main waterfall, and they actually do every weekend.

Illusions of grandeur aside, the falls really are gorgeous. No other way to put it. The pool at its feet is perfect for a dip in the noon sun. The waters are cool, clear and clean, and packed with schools of Tengas fish which are game to snatch pieces of bread from your fingertips as they are to nibble at your feet.


Fishing is prohibited here which explains the abundance of fish, and also why the little fuckers were so friendly. A guide working for the fisheries department named Vijay told us that there are up to seven falls in total, with the first one being the big momma we visited. The second one is visible right above it. Maybe next time we’ll trek further up to shit and piss on the family day masses below. We bloody well should have now that I get all worked up thinking about it.


The 90 minute trek to the main attraction was a real treat, and not too challenging if you follow the signs. It can get wet and muddy along the path, so wear appropriate footgear. Its also advisable to wear long pants if your modeling day-job requires you to keep your shapely legs free of unsightly scratches or scars. Part of the trek was dreary at times but the awesome views along the way totally made up for it.


There are five river crossings, none more than 3 feet deep. It hadn’t rained in a bit so the current wasn’t strong. More perilous were the slippery rocks underwater which you have to be very careful of. But if a fucking baby can make it up, what’s an itsy bitsy broken ankle here and there eh?

Getting there is a leisurely 90 minute drive from KL, if there is no traffic. I suggest leaving early, before 6am if you’re making a day trip. Follow the MRR2 and turn off at Batu Caves. Find the Ulu Yam road to Liga Mas. Straight on from there to Kuala Kubu Bahru, where you turn right at the lights.

You’ll pass by Kuala Kubu Dam and a couple of nice bridges which are worth a stop for shutterbugs. Further up and past some twisty roads, you’ll reach this pretty little iron bridge.


Park your car on the left embankment and the Santuari Sungai Chiling is just 100 meters up the road, beckoning you towards mediocrity.

Just kidding. Not.